I'm so tired of trying already.
I tried. I really tried hard for the past few years and recently i feel like giving up because all my efforts have been rebuffed and futile all along.

I had a dream a few months back. We were back in our primary school and vising. I remembered it was a similar scene when we went back to visit Mrs tan during cny when we were in secondary one. Wow how time flies... We were chatting happily and walking along the corridors with the blue railings, remember?  Suddenly the school hall turned into a water theme park with slides that went round and round (note that this happened in a dream). We got excited and jumped onto the slides in our floating tubes that apparently appeared out of nowhere. You were floating in front of me and somehow we got separated in the myriad of slides. I panicked. I could roughly see you ahead of me and i swam so hard to catch up with you. But you just got further and further ahead of me without even looking back, until i could no longer see you. I searched frantically for you everywhere but i still couldn't find you.

I jolted awake and woke up crying. I felt incredibly sad. What happened in the dream felt so real. It was like the exact portrayal of the way i felt about us in reality. Me trying to catch a hold of you, but you just drifted further and further away away from me, without even once looking back.

I understand that as we get older, we lead different lives, have our own commitments and mingle in different social circles. But aren't friends supposed to stay connected despite our busy schedules?

I feel like I'm the clingy partner in our relationship. I am always the the first one to initiate conversation, waiting for your late replies, planning meet ups accommodating to your forever busy schedule, get all excited about it and then disheartened when you cancel at the very last minute because 'something' cropped up, complaining about the lack of meet ups and the cycle repeats itself. Over and over again. This is why i feel so sick and tired already. On the other hand, i see notifications on my facebook homepage of you making time and hanging out with your other friends. I am not like those petty girls in pri/sec school selfishly wanting the BFF all to herself.
But seriously, for the longest time i feel like i am on your back burner.

I told myself, maybe i should be more patient, i have to be more understanding, it'll work out.
But I don't feel that it's ok anymore!
Each time you cancel out on me, i feel increasingly hurt, disappointed and even angry and I have always kept it in check and responded cordially. I didn't want to be the one to stir shit or break this ten year friendship.
Maybe we still have something worth holding on to...

Be it genuine miscommunication or misunderstanding, but today felt like the last straw for me.
And when i saw the picture above, coincidentally shared by another of your BFF, i finally came to terms with what i have been feeling all along. I honestly do not feel like trying anymore. And i cannot be bothered.

I guess what's left to do is the same for all one-sided relationship.
I should let go and move on with my life. Much love for the people who actually care.